A Stone Cold Guy
by crossover15
Summary: When Peter invites the Texas Rattlesnake to his father in law's party. But when a physical fight takes place, Carter and the family are enemy's of Stone Cold Steve Austin.
1. A Stone Cold reception

**Disclaimer: Family Guy is owned by FOX and the WWE talent is owned Vince McMahon**

Peter is watching TV, when Lois walks in.

"Peter my father wants to talk to you." Lois said.

"Fine." Peter said reluctantly.

"Oh hi Carter." Peter said.

"Hello, Griffin. I need you to call people for my big party I'm throwing tomorrow." Carter said.

"Oh can I invit-." Peter said.

"No." He said.

"Aw." Peter said disappointed.

"This party is huge; I'm inviting you and you're family and putting you in charge on invitations, because my secretary can't, because her son OD'd in a Toy's "R" Us." Carter said.

"Who should I invite?" Peter said.

"As long as their wealthy and white, bye" Carter said.

"Now who should I invite?" Peter said.

"We now return to the Condemned." Said The TV announcer.

"This rich assh*le, has sent us to this damn island, and that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so." Steve Austin said.

"That's it!" Peter said.

Later,

Peter is on the computer typing a letter, saying:

_Dear Stone Cold Steve Austin,_

_My father in law is having a party and I would like to invite you to it, because you're awesome._

_Sincerely, _

_Peter Griffin_

Later at Carter's party, Carter is talking to a guest, when out of the blue, glass is heard shattered and music is heard.

"What the hell?!" Carter said.

Stone Cold kicks the door open.

"Alright, which one of you wimpy billionaires is the host of this damn party." Austin said.

"That's Carter Pewtershcmidt, you drunken, bald, white trash, red neck! Now get your ass out of here" Carter said.

"What?" Austin said.

"I said!" Carter

"What?" Austin said.

"Peter you invited Stone Cold Steve Austin." Brian said.

"Yeah, he said to invite everyone white and rich. He's both." Peter said.

"I think he said to invite, rich CEO's, not professional wrestlers." Brian said.

"Oh." Peter said embarrassed

"What?" Austin said.

"Stop it!" Carter said shoving Austin.

Austin than tackled Carter and started to punch Carter rapidly. He sets Carter in motion for a stone cold stunner. When Carter gets up he flips him off and he delivers it and Carter does several back flips and crashes through the window.

"Wow, I guess people really don't over sell that move." Stewie said.

Moments later several cops appear and arrest Austin. They put him in the car.

"I ain't done with you Carter, I'm going to kick your ass and you're daughter's family's asses!" Austin said.

**Well tell me that wasn't funny. Please leave some reviews.**


	2. Just keep on monster truckin'

The next day, Lois in the kitchen with her father. Carter is livid.

"That red neck embarrassed me in front my own party!" Carter said with some bruises on his face.

"Now daddy don't worry he's in jail." Lois said.

"Good, because he even sets foot at my house, I'm going to, to sue him into the sewer!" Carter said.

"Hey guy's is it bad, if Steve Austin is in front of the house." Peter said walking in.

"What!?" Carter and Lois say.

They run to the front of the living room, and look out in the window. Only to find Austin walk to Carter's limo. He pulls out the driver and knocks him out. He walks into the driver seat and turns the key. The car starts to drive.

"Hey! That's my car, you can't steal it!" Carter shouts.

He gets out of the limo and looks away from the car. He walks away from the limo.

"What the hell?" Carter says.

Suddenly, a large roaring sound is heard. A black monster truck with a white smoking skull and 3:16 on it with bold white numbers runs over Carter's limo! The limo is flattened like a pancake. Carter, Lois, and Peter's jaws drop like in a cartoonish fashion. The truck charges at Cleveland's house and it crashes into it (but Cleveland moved) and the bathtub falls out. Austin gets out and approaches the house he busts the door down. He enters the house and approaches Carter.

"I told you I wasn't done with you dumb son of a bitch, and guess what I ain't done yet." Austin said.


	3. Cleanup on isle 3:16

Three days later, Peter is watching into the TV. Lois walks in holding Stewie.

"Peter I need you to go to the market, while I take Stewie to daycare." Lois says to him.

"Aw, but Lois, I'll miss the game." Peter whines.

"Peter It's eleven thirty." Lois says.

"Fine, but this better not go bad like the time I was the cook at the hall of justice." Peter says.

A cutaway appears and Superman is found dead on the floor, while the super friends look in horror.

"I thought kryptonite would give it some kick." Peter says.

When Peter is at the market, he's looking for food. Suddenly the speakers turn on

"Fat man ready for a can of whoop ass on isle twenty. I repeat, fat man ready for a can of whoop ass on isle twenty." The speaker says.

Peter tries to escape only to find him right behind him.

"Where do you think you're going you fat piece of trash!" Austin says with a can of beer.

Austin attacks Peter and Irish whips him into the shelf full of bread. Austin begins to drag him to the produce isle. Austin starts to attack him with fruit, he grabs a lemon tears it in half and puts them in front of Peters' eyes. Peter screams as he is blinded.

"How about some vegetables, you tub of lard!" Austin says as he throws Peter into them.

Peter rolls off them and Austin drags him into a shelf, He pours ketchup and mustard on to Peter. He slams Peter's face on to the stand containing fish.

"How about I make you a cake fatty." Austin says as he pours flour on Peter. He soon adds sugar, vanilla, and icing. Austin grabs the icing and squeezes 3:16 in black onto Peter's back. He soon scoops Peter up and body slams into a nearby shopping cart.

"We're going for a ride whale!" Austin says as he pushes the cart.

He soon crashes into other carts smashing Peters' legs as well. He begins to pour food on Peter like chocolate syrup, steak sauce, barbecue sauce, salt and pepper, cereal, and Gatorade. Austin notices a bottle of hot sauce he grabs it and makes Peter drink it.

"Here, how about a damn drink!" Austin says as he makes Peter drink it.

When the bottle is empty Peter's face is red, he runs to the freezer and pushes the cart in the freezer. Peter is in intense pain, but he can still walk. He throws eggs at Peter. When Austin reaches him he cracks the eggs over his head. When they reach a door Peter pushes Austin into it. Peter takes a breath, but Austin enters out of the freezer door holding a gallon of milk, Austin drinks it and spits at Peter. Austin starts to pour a can of beer on Peter. Austin finds a cart and puts Peter on it.

"Here we go again." Austin says.

Austin finds adult diapers and takes off Peters pants and underwear, he changes Peter into the diaper.

"Awwww! What's the matter little baby, ready for a burp?" Austin says as he, than pounds Peter's back. Peter cries in pain.

Austin soon goes to a checkout booth. He puts Peter on the conveyor belt. Peter is than scanned.

"That'll be $7.50." He says.

Austin pays and then heads out of the store and throws Peter into the back of his truck.

Moments later at the Griffin house, Lois is watching the news waiting for Peter. Suddenly, Tom Tucker appears and an icon on the screen saying "Market Smack down!"

"In recent news local Peter Griffin was attacked, in a grocery store. In which the security cameras caught the fight which is highly hilarious as we add these sound effects." Tom says as he shows a smile on his face.

The news shows the entire fight only with funny noises in the background.

"Oh my god!" Lois says.

Suddenly the doorbell rings and Austin throws Peter on the front porch. Austin drives away. The giant chicken walks by.

"This wasn't me." The chicken says.

Lois looks in horror. Stewie walks in.

"I knew we shouldn't have sent the fat man to the food store." Stewie says.

**Please review, and yes I know about the brawl with Austin and Booker T at the market.**


	4. Bars suck

"Peter what happened!?" Lois asks Peter looking at him.

"Austin did this to me; he turned a what would have been a pleasant trip to the market into a nightmare!" Peter says.

"Oh my god, he wasn't lying!" She screams.

"Yes, we should get everyone except Meg to stay in the house." Peter says.

"Oh my god, Brian he went to a bar!" Lois says.

Meanwhile at a bar, Brian is seen talking to an attractive woman.

"That is why my favorite book is "Catcher in the Rye"." Brian says in a cocky manner.

"Wow, you must be a very smart guy." The girl says.

"Yeah, so you want to….. Auugh!"

Suddenly Brian is pulled out of the booth by Stone Cold and getting stomped on by Austin. Austin moves Brian's collar up to his mouth and tightens it. The woman screams and leaves.

"Here's something for ya." Austin says as he pulls out a dog whistle.

Austin blows the dog whistle point blank in his ears. Bryan squirms in pain and moans in pain.

"Oh what boy you want to go on a walk!" Austin says as he holds out a leash.

Austin puts the leash on Brian, and starts to drag him. When Austin reaches the door, he shuts it, leaving Brian inside. Brian begins to standup; suddenly he feels a strong tug and goes right through the door.

"Come on dog." Austin says as he drags him.

"Mmmmpppph." Brian as he tries to speak.

"Well come on the vacuum store is open twenty four hours a day." Austin says.

Brian fear fully begs not to go, but Austin drags him. Brian tries to stop, but every time he does Austin stomps him. Austin and Brian reach a store with vacuum cleaners inside of it. Austin picks up Brian by the back of his neck and hurls him into the window. Brian begins to loosen his collar and moves it to his neck. Austin grabs a vacuum and hits Brian over the head with it. He turns it on and it sucks his fur up.

"This vacuum works wonders on pet hair." Austin says as a quarter of Brian's fur is gone

"Take care!" Austin says as he leaves the store.

Later at the Griffin house, Lois looks worried. The doorbell rings and Lois cautiously approaches it and opens it cautiously opens it. She sees Brian, but horribly bruised and beaten, with bald spots on his body. Peter walks in and says.

"Wow Brian that must've sucked more than Halle Berry's Cat woman." Peter said.

A cutaway is shown of Peter watching Halle Berry in Cat woman, Peters head explodes after ten seconds.

**Funny right, I thought of the part of when Austin attacks Brian in the bar. Please, review**


	5. He fought the law and guess what? He won

Lois, Chris, and Meg are walking into the house when Meg gets in the house, she steps foot in a bear trap. Meg screams in pain.

"Oh my god Meg!" Lois shouts.

"Chris go to the garage and get a crow bar!" Lois told Chris.

Chris ran to the garage, when he entered a snare caught him by the leg and he was in the air.

"Aaaaaah!" Chris screamed.

Cuts back to Lois, she runs to get the phone, but a section of the ceiling falls on her.

"That's it!" Lois says.

A couple of minutes later Joe and several police officers appear at the front of the house.

"Don't worry Lois, just like every celebrity he will put up a fight and eventually lose." Joe said.

Joe and the cops enter the house they see Austin on the couch.

"Mr. Austin you're under arrest, do you have any words." Joe said.

"Yeah. You can kiss my ass!" Austin said as he attacked a cop.

One of the cops tried to Taser him, but Austin grabbed it and tases him in the groins. Austin stuns one, which in turn causes the gun to get fired at the officer's foot. He grabs one and tosses him through the wall. Austin heads towards the stair and tears the little wooden support beam. He hits one of the officers in his kneecaps with it. Austin grabs one who was about to hit him with his baton, Austin tosses him head first into the television. Austin grabs a can of pepper spray from an officer and sprays one of them in the eyes, nose, and inside of his mouth. Austin throws one through the window. Austin heads towards Joe. Joe is beaten brutally. Austin pushes him out of the building. Joe's legs were wrapped around his head like a turban! Austin heads out of the house.

"Please don't hurt us!" Lois cries.

"I ain't hurting you, I got one more left." Austin says.

"Who….Oh right." Lois remembering Carter is the guy who pissed off Stone Cold.

"You can't hurt my father, sure he is a terrible man, but." Lois said.

Austin drives off with his pickup truck.

"We have to stop him!" Lois shouts.

"To the Griffin mobile!" Peter says, his pants fall down and he is still wearing the diaper.

Everyone looks at Peter awkwardly.

"What?" Peter asks.

**If you like the chapter please review.**


	6. Office beatdown

Later at Pewtershcmidt industries, Carter is seen on his desk, when Austin kicks down the door.

"You!?" Carter said with terror.

"Yeah, and I'm going to open a can of whoop ass all over you." Austin said

"Oh yeah, watch as I call security, even though I have no idea what you did to get here!" Carter says as he presses the speaker.

"Hello security, I need you to kick this red neck out." Carter said.

There was no answer.

"Hello! I need security right no-!" Carter demanded, before Austin smashed him against the speaker.

Austin began to drag him out of his office he tackled him into a filing cabinet, knocking it over. Carter tried to crawl. Unfortunately, Austin grabbed his foot and began to drag him. Austin put him on the scanner. He slammed the lid on Carters chest and it began to scan. Austin began to carry him.

The Griffin's arrive in the building where they see a wreckage of security guards. One has been thrown on a windshield, one of them has been thrown into a toll arm, and another one has been hit from the car door of Carter's limousine.

"Oh my god!" Brian exclaimed.

"He went upstairs." Said a wounded guard.

"What did he do to you?" Peter asked.

"I'd rather not talk about it." He said as he crawled revealing he had his own baton up his rear end.

The family took an elevator. By the time they arrived Austin was brutalizing Carter. After scanning Carter took him near a fax.

"How about a fax jackass!" Austin said as he slammed Carter face first.

The impact broke Carter's nose causing it to bleed profusely. Austin grabbed a computer and hit Carter over the head with it. Luckily, for Carter the Griffins arrived and teamed on Austin. The Griffins and Carter threw Austin down the stairs.

"Yeah! Now all we got to do is have our backs turned on that door!" Peter said as everyone did.

Nothing happened, but a noise from the elevator began to be heard. The elevator door opened, it was Austin on an ATV!

"Oh come on! How did you get there?!" Brian shouted.

"I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin! That's why!" Austin said as he charged at the family.

"What do we do?" Lois asked running for her life.

"We can use my private elevator!" Carter said.

"Wait, you have a private elevator?" Peter said.

"Yes, we are running towards it." Carter said pointing towards a golden elevator with a big golden "C" on it.

Austin charged at the family. They headed towards elevator, but Carter selfishly pushed them out of it, but karma struck when Austin jumped out and tackled him in the elevator right before the elevator doors shut. Carter tried to press the button that would send them to the closest floor, but Austin pressed the button that would send them to the lobby.

"Oh please let there be calm, tranquil music." Carter said.

Unfortunately it was his 2001 theme song in an instrumental theme.

Austin began to crack his knuckles. Carter screamed as Austin made and elevator trip down thirty floors a painful beating. When they got to the lobby Carter was bleeding, He had his clothing torn, he had several bumps, was bruised on his face, and had a huge black eye. Austin exited the building.

"Don't worry I'm finished, but you better not give me a threat again, or else they will need to recognize you, and that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so!" Austin said as he left.

**If you liked this story please send your thoughts.****Also I know the difference between what I see on TV and reality, I thought on how Stone Cold would beat Carter like a pinata and it would be funny, so who ever likes this story has my gratitude.**


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